Faded
by Nikol
Summary: Song Fic; Trowa reflects on how he feels towards a particular blond pilot. Yaoi (3+4, 4x3) *complete*
1. Part 1

Title: Faded (1/2) Author: Nikol  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and since I have no money it would be quite useless suing me. Also I don't own the song Faded by soulDecision, the band does!  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, yummy citrusness later on (That even a word? Citrusness?) Pairings: 3+4, 4x3, and implied 1x2.  
  
Author Notes: Takes place while the pilots are on Peacemillion, and from Trowa's P.O.V. This is an old fic of mine that I have posted on MLs when they were first written. Figured I'd post it here as well.  
  
*~* blah, blah, blah*~* = song lyrics // yadda yadda yadda// = thoughts *Gibberish* =emphasis  
  
*~* When I get you all alone I'm gonna move it nice and close Ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game*~*  
  
"How's the view?" It was the sound of Duo's voice that awoke me from my staring. Quickly I turned my attention away from the blond Arab that I had been watching and back to the print out in front of me. This was no way for a Gundam pilot to act, longingly lusting after a fellow pilot. But there I was doing that very act. I had fallen for the angel Quatre Raberba Winner.  
  
When I first saw him I knew I felt something for him, but in the back of my mind a voice called out, reminding me the mission always came first. Pushing back those feelings was harder than first expected. I tired avoiding contact, but he was persistent. Quatre, the boy of a thousand questions. Where was I from? What did I do before piloting my Gundam? What did I think of the missions? Why do I do it? I rarely answered any of his questions; I enwrapped in hearing the innocent tone his voice. But I was also afraid that if I did say anything it would end up being how badly I wanted him. So I just kept my mouth closed.  
  
That was months ago. Now every time I see Quatre, I want to take him or be taken by him. I don't care if it is in the romantic, candle-lit, kind, beautiful way that romantic idealists have as an image for their first time. Or it could be the dirty, sleazy, master-slave way as depicted in cheep paperback novels that at times could be considered as soft porn. All I knew was I wanted Quatre in the worst way.  
  
*~* Every since you've been hanging around I've been trying to figure out What I can say to you to get some play*~*  
  
Now he was constantly around. Given we were all around, we were all on the same ship. But it seemed that whatever corner I turned, or room I entered Quatre was there to greet me, to test me, to tease me. Of course we would have our normal friendly conversations. Actually, Quatre would talk and I would listen while trying to hid my attraction.  
  
When one of those rare moments of solidarity found me, I spend them figuring out how to tell him how I felt. I had different versions of this. There was the romantic, down on one knee in front of his room professing how long I had been in love with him and how I only live for him. Or there was the casual, over coffee (or in Quatre's case Earl Tea) "by the way Quatre I think I love you. Could you pass the cream?" But there never really way a "casual" time between me and Quatre unless the other three were around, and I wasn't ready to tell them. The final option would be the next time I ran into him to push him against the wall, force my tongue pass his angel lips and when we came up for air to say "I want to fuck you" in a playful tone, the continue what we were doing. Personally I don't think Quatre would go for that one, but for all I know he's not as innocent as we all think he is.  
  
*~* Couldn't we do what we did last night again Baby you and I'd be better than friends Don't you think it's time we went a bit further?*~*  
  
"Hey Trowa! Could you help me up here?"  
  
Quatre was calling me. His voice was coming from the cockpit of Sandrock. I hadn't said anything when I came into the hanger so I did wonder how he knew I was there. But he was calling me and I obeyed like a moth drawn to the flame.  
  
When I got up to him the cockpit was full of diagrams and instructions about he design of Sandrock. Quatre was in the middle of it, working on an electrical panel that was just above his head. He did not notice I was there, so silently I watched him work. Admits all the papers he appeared so small. He closed the panel and noticed me there.  
  
"Trowa..." he seemed to sigh.  
  
"You needed my help?" I asked.  
  
"There's some circuits out on the console behind my right shoulder. They affect the visual to the right. I need you to try to fix it for me."  
  
"Why can't you do it?" I asked only to keep up the appearance that as a solider I felt that he should have been able to take care of this problem on his own.  
  
"I need to see what the visual will look like from my seat. Will you help?" He said with a boyish smile.  
  
"How will I get there?"  
  
"The only way I could figure out would be if you straddled the seat. You don't mind that do you?"  
  
Straddle Quatre? My body cried yes but my mind said no. I followed my body (Being male, fifteen, and with raging hormones sucks!). The task was fairly simple itself, but it did take longer then it should since I wanted to savor each second like this. And although it was complicated enough with my feelings towards the blond and me now pushed up against his soft, warm, silken skin, what happened between the repair and me getting off him bought what ever it was between us to another level.  
  
He was going to thank me, I could tell by his face, but before he said anything his lips met mine. His lips were softer then I could image. It felt as if someone had gently moved a just opening rosebud across my lips. He had a naturally sweet taste that seeped into my mouth. Although short and awkward it was our first kiss.  
  
When we parted I looked a little shocked but it was his verbally thanking me that brought me back around. I like to believe he thanked me for letting him kiss me but the realist in me says it was for work on the console.  
  
*~* Every night when we say goodbye How can I help looking in your eyes Wondering why, you and I haven't hit it Can we get it on?*~*  
  
I think I would have felt better if after the kiss Quatre acted distant around me. Distant in that "Trowa I don't know why I did that, I guess I wanted to see what it was like. It's just not for me. I'm sorry, I guess." way. At least then I could begin to tell myself I was foolish for falling for him. But that would have made my life simple, and that just couldn't be.  
  
Instead Quatre kept his same friendly manner around me. His smile, attempts to hold small conversations, everything he use to do; nothing changed. It was driving me crazy! Couldn't Quatre just act differently so I could get to notion of the two of us out of my head? The idea that maybe Quatre actually felt the same way about me did seep into my mind, but for some reason I could comprehend that notion. Nothing in my life had ever gone right, why should this time be any different. Nonetheless our relation stayed the same.  
  
The two of us had been working on some plans together on the next attack against the White Fang. We'd been working for hours with no breaks and little contact from anyone else on the ship. Across the table I could see that Quatre was having trouble staying awake.  
  
"Why don't you go to bed Quatre?" I suggested, putting down the papers I had in my hand.  
  
"We need to finish this Trowa." he yawned "and besides I'm not tired."  
  
"It can be finished tomorrow. You look dead on your feet Quatre. Come on, I'll help you to your room." I replied standing up and walking towards him Quatre put down his paperwork and followed me towards the sleeping quarters. The two of us stopped in front of the room he and Duo shared (I had been bunking with Heero, and Wufei slept alone). Silently we stood there looking at one another. I was lost in his sleep filled eyes. With another yawn Quatre turned towards the door and began to open it. Unconsciously my hand shot out and took hold of his. He looked up at me with a puzzled looked on his face.  
  
"I thought you wanted me to go to sleep?" He said jokingly.  
  
In my mind I was screaming "tell him how you feel! It's the perfect time!" But I just let his hand slip out of mine. With a smile he said good night and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Baka!" I hissed to myself  
  
*~* I'm kinda faded but I feel alright Thinkin' about making my move tonight I can't pretend you're only my friend When you're holding my body tight *~*  
  
"Oh my god Trowa! I'm so sorry! You okay? Duo what do you think you were doing?" Quatre yelled at the American.  
  
"I wanted to surprise you. I guess I did that." he replied scratching the back of his head.  
  
It had been a long day and we were all trying to relax, and for that Quatre that meant his infamous cup of tea. Moments ago he sat down across from me and began to look over some of the data reports Heero had given him. He was so immersed in the writing he didn't notice Duo sneaking up behind him. And as a mater of fact I didn't notice either because I was so intent on watching Quatre. Before I knew it I had hot tea being thrown into my lap.  
  
I didn't move. I couldn't move. All I could wonder is how Quatre could drink anything this hot. It felt like it was burning though my pants and taking of my skin layer-by-layer Noticing what had happen Quatre immediately ran over to me with a towel and began cleaning up the mess.  
  
//Perfect!// I thought to myself. If the hot tea wasn't bad enough to shock me, I now had Quatre on his hands and keens wiping it off my lap. I had to force myself to think about anything that did not lead back to the Arab. Damnit! He couldn't find out *how* attracted I was to him. And all the while Quatre apologized to me and yelled at Duo.  
  
"I just wanted to lighten the situation. Those dolls are tougher than we expected. I thought we all needed to loosen up." Duo tried to explain.  
  
"Oh my... Trowa? You okay Trowa? I am so sorry! Oh! Trowa! Trowa? Say something! Trowa?" Quatre continue to say.  
  
"Ouch..." was all I was able to utter.  
  
"Come on Trowa. I'll help you to your room, so you can.. ah get dry clothes on." Quatre said as he helped me stand out. I hurt to stand up.  
  
Slowly we shuffled towards my room. He was so small. Quatre was a little angel to me. With the feeling of his arms around me made me forget all the pain I was in. As we made our way down the hall Quatre's unending line of "Are you okay Trowa?" and "I'm so sorry Trowa" continued.  
  
He helped me to the bed and laid me down. He said the pain would lessen if my body were straight. Quatre could have said standing on my head would lessen the pain and I would it. He sat down next to me on the bed, and rubbed my arm to comfort me. And he smiled.  
  
But this smile was different. It wasn't a friendly smile; okay so it was a friendly smile not a smile that friends exchange. It was more like one lovers gave to one another. He leaned over me so that our noses were practically touching. He moved up and little and kissed my forehead.  
  
"I'm sorry Trowa. I would never hurt you."" he whispered, and flashed that lovers smile again.  
  
As he left I held back a muffled cry of pain.  
  
*~* 'Cause I like the way you're making it move I like the way your making me wait At the end of the night when I make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me*~*  
  
"I don't see why all of a sudden you decide to change rooms." Wufei stated while leaning against a wall.  
  
"The reason is quite simple," Quatre began to explain while carrying one of my boxes out of my old room and into his, "See lately Heero and Duo have been spending a lot of 'late nights' together." he giggled while saying this, "Duo has also publicly stated there is no end in sight and it would be convenient if they shared a room. Since three people in one of these rooms would make it crowed Trowa will be moving in with me."  
  
I love it when he takes control of a situation. Many had though him to be the weakest of us five, but in reality he had been the only one who can organize a plan that all of us will agree to follow. And he had done it once again with the rearrangement on the rooms, so I was not kicked out of my own room every night. Not only was I happy about that, but also this also meant there was a possibility to tell Quatre how I felt without all of Peacemillion finding out at once.  
  
Since none of us had many belonging on the ship, it did not take long to get everyone resituated. In our room, Quatre climbed up to the bunk and flopped down on the mattress. "I hope you don't mind, but I like being on top." Quatre told me. If my mind had been in other places at the time, that single phrase could have taken on an entirely different meaning.  
  
"Not at all." I said climbing into my new bed.  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Yes Quatre?"  
  
"I was wondering," I could see his small figure fidget above me, "what will you do when the war is over?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Do you think you will fall in love at some point?"  
  
My heart cried out. It said "tell him!" I wanted to too, with all my being. I closed my eyes to think about what I should say. I still don't know why I said what I did when I did.  
  
"I think I have." I heard myself say.  
  
"Oh." he sounded disappointed; he sounded sad, "How well do you know her?" he somberly asked next.  
  
"I think I know him better then I know anyone else, even myself." I said, putting a little bit of emphasis on "him" in that it hinted it was Quatre. At first I didn't think he heard me, but I saw his weight shifted to the side of the bed. His small face appeared above me with a playful look.  
  
"Is that so..."  
  
TBC... 


	2. Part 2

Title: Faded (2/2) Author: Nikol  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and since I have no money it would be quite useless suing me. Also I don't own the song Faded by soulDecision, the band does!  
  
Warnings: Yaoi, ****LEMON****  
  
Author Notes: Takes place while the pilots are on Peacemillion, and from Trowa's P.O.V. This is an old fic of mine that I have posted on MLs when they were first written. Figured I'd post it here as well.  
  
*~* blah, blah, blah*~* = song lyrics // yadda yadda yadda// = thoughts *Gibberish* =emphasis  
*~*Yeah you know you got it And you know I want it I can't wait to take you home*~*  
  
He was teasing me now. I had basically said "Quatre I love you" the other night and since then he's been teasing me.  
  
Today had become one of those rare days when none of us worried about White Fang. Heero had been keeping up with their schedule and had reported that the only thing they had planned was some repairs on the mobile dolls. Having this free time Quatre had spent the entire day in the kitchen, baking.  
  
"My sisters taught me when I was younger. It's actually a very good way to relive stress." he said as I came into the kitchen as if he knew the question floating around in my head.  
  
"So what have you made so far?" I asked taking a seat at the small table in the middle of the room.  
  
"Lets see. Duo stole the sugar cookies I made this morning, that apple pie I just took out, there's a batch of brownies in the oven as we speak and I'm mixing chocolate pudding. Want to help Trowa?"  
  
With nothing really better to do I stood up and walked over to Quatre. He handed me a large wooden spoon, explaining that he believe the pudding tasted better when mixed by hand rather than by a machine. As I began to stir the brown contents of the bowl he hopped up on the counter next to me and looked though the cookbook for more ideas. Ever so often I could see him glance at me from behind the hard covered book. It was during one of these stolen glances that he softly giggles to himself, as if he just remembered a joke.  
  
"What?" I asked as I continued to stir.  
  
"Nothing..." he sang.  
  
"Quatre, what is it?"  
  
"You have chocolate all over your hand"  
  
I looked down at the hand that held the spoon; the pudding had crept up the handle and onto my hand. I was about to wipe it off with a towel when I felt Quatre's hand take hold of my wrist. Slowly he began to lick the chocolate off each finger, kissing the tip of each one once he was done. I felt my face begin to heat up, a chill run up my spine and my eyes widen on the act that happening to my hand. My body then began to tremble with excitement. Who knew pudding could be so sensual? Quatre apparently. I bit my lower lip so I couldn't cry out when he finished.  
  
"Told you baking relived stress. When the timer goes off could you check the brownies? I need to find someone flour for muffins" Quatre said as he hopped off the counter and left the kitchen.  
  
*RELIVE* stress?! I was defiantly not relived and had more stress than ever.  
  
The tease.  
  
*~* (You know you got it and I) I don't want to be rude at all I just want to be where you go Think what we could do alone*~*  
  
"You guys will have to excuse me as well." I said as I made my way after Quatre.  
  
It was him teasing me again. During the meeting about what our next step should be he playfully drummed his fingers across the table, bit the end of his pen and eyed me. I would say he was making me feel like a fifteen year old again, if it wasn't for the fact that I was still fifteen.  
  
He had gone into the bathroom. When I walked in Quatre seemed to be waiting for me. He was looking at me though the mirror.  
  
"And to think, I thought you would be sick of me by now."  
  
"Sick of you?" I questioned.  
  
"Not only do you see me every night, but if I didn't know better I'd say you were following me around on purpose." It was then he turned and began to approach me.  
  
I stood stalk still as he moved ever closer to me. I swallowed the saliva that had been gathering in my mouth. I tried to keep my breathing as regular as possible with each step he too. Quatre's pace slowed down as he approached me. He stopped inches away from me. I could feel the warm air escape from his partially open lips. As I moved my body closer to kiss him Quatre wet his lips. Then moved away.  
  
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted him! Why does he lead me on like this? Why do I let him? When I looked down at him he brought two of my fingers up to his lips and kissed them. Then he started to walk out. Before he left Quatre turned back to me. "Soon." was the only word he said before leaving like nothing happened.  
  
Soon...  
  
*~* Couldn't we do what we did last night again Baby you and I'd be better than friends Don't you think it's time we went a bit further?*~*  
  
Only Quatre could make an old violin sexy. How? By the way he slowly lets his fingers glide up each string before tightening them. How he gently polishes the wood in small circles. The way he pulls the bow across to see if the pitch and tone of each note if perfect.  
  
"Quatre! What in the name of God are you doing?" Duo's voice broke in.  
  
"Taking care of my violin!" Cheerfully he replied lifting it up to show Duo. Duo sighed, most likely because he (and everyone else) didn't understand why Quatre brought the musical instrument with him into battle.  
  
"Hey Trowa, did you hear me?" Heero asked to my left.  
  
"Hu? Oh yeah Heero." I lied turning to him.  
  
I try to pay attention to what Heero was saying. And I could have too if Quatre hadn't decided to sit down across from me and let his foot wander up my leg. I tried to hide my surprise as I looked at the diagrams Heero pointed to. Letting my eyes wander a bit I saw that Quatre had begun to hold a conversation with Duo and Wufei, giving no hint to what his foot was doing.  
  
Slowly the foot massaged my kneecap. I could have been okay if Quatre stopped there. Of course he hadn't, that would have made my life simple, and everyone knows that just can't be! His sock covered foot crept along my inner thigh, stopping centimeters away from my aroused "little friend." [1] It was then that he began to wiggle his toes. I tired not to laugh, I tired not to move, but before I knew what had happened I was standing three feet away from the table with my chair on its side  
  
"Something wrong Trowa?" Quatre asked playing the worried friend.  
  
"N-Nothing. I, ah, have to get something out of the hanger." I lied again and quickly left the room. "Damnit Quatre if I didn't love you so much I'd hate you!" I whispered to myself as I walked away from the situation.  
  
*~*Every night when we say goodbye How can I help looking in your eyes Wondering why, you and I haven't hit it Can we get it on?*~*  
  
"Late night?" I heard greet me as I slipped into my darken bedroom. I mumbled something, but I was too tried to deal with Quatre and his teasing. Like a zombie I made my way to my unkempt bed below Quatre and collapsed.  
  
Although I loved him dearly Quatre was driving me crazy! Took me nearly and hour to explain to the others why I left so suddenly earlier that night. Apparently Quatre kept up his act of playing dumb, which meant I couldn't tell them what really happened.  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Hn..." I stole from Heero.  
  
"So why *did* you leave so quickly?"  
  
I ignored him. He must find great joy in teasing me, torturing me, playing with me like I was some doll. I just pulled the sheets over my head and didn't reply. Loving him was tearing me up. He was leading me on and doing a damn good job at it too.  
  
He made little sound as he slipped off the top bunk. The sound of bare feet pacing back and forth across the cool floor echoed off the walls. Quatre sighed in a frustrated manner. Abruptly he stopped. Silence began to flood the room.  
  
"I though you would like my little games. Didn't you enjoy them?"  
  
I continued to live up to my name. [2]  
  
"Come on Trowa. Say something. Are you upset with me? Don't be." Quatre pleaded with him. His tone was rather doleful.  
  
My little blond angel was someone I could not be mad at, but I couldn't let him know that. Not just yet anyway. He had me wrapped around his finger, he always had. Maybe he knew. He had to or else Quatre wouldn't be playing these trivial games.  
  
'Trowa..." He sadly sighed. I heard him come towards my bed. Quatre's weight barely affected the mattress when he sat o the edge. I could feel him pulling the sheets away and out of the corner of my eye I saw him. I turned over to confront him.  
  
"Quatre!" I quickly blurted out, surprised at the sight in front of me.  
  
*~* I'm kinda faded but I feel alright Thinkin' about making my move tonight I can't pretend you're only my friend When you're holding my body tight *~*  
  
"You're... you're... you're..."  
  
He was naked! It really was as simple as that. Quatre Raberba Winner was naked, sitting on my bed, look down at me. And all I was able to do was sputter out "you're... you're... you're..." and stare at him.  
  
"Surprise!" he playfully says as he pulls the rest of the sheets off me. I remained perfectly still; it was all I could do. I continued to stare at him, anxious to know what his next move would be.  
  
Slowly his body bent down to meet mine. Involuntary I pushed myself against the mattress as he inched closer to me. I think I opened my mouth to say something, but before I knew anything else Quatre mouth was covering my own. Slyly his tongue slipped past my teeth and began to massage mine. I soon began to relax, and let myself become lost in the moment. But just as quickly as the kiss came, it left. Quatre just smiled at me and began tugging at the bottom of my shirt. As I lifted my torso, he bought the fabric over my head and kissed me again. Soon he began to kiss my neck, my shoulders, my chest. With each kiss his tongue would barely touch my skin, sending waves of chills tough out my entire body.  
  
A gasp escaped my quivering lips and stopped Quatre movements. From down my body he looked up at me. Coyly he flashed a smile.  
  
"Like that?"  
  
I could only nod. Slightly he giggled and continued to kiss me. He took his time teasing each nipple; kissing it, massaging it with his cold tongue. The middle of my torso he covered with kisses. As he did so he small hands began to undo my pants and slowly pushed the down beneath him. As his hands explored my boxers he one again looked at me.  
  
"I guess that answers *that* question..."  
  
*~* 'Cause I like the way you're making it move I like the way your making me wait At the end of the night when I make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me*~*  
  
There was nothing I could do. Wait, there was nothing I *would* do. The guy I have had a crush on for months now was undressing me. I prayed this wasn't a dream, some cruel unfair dream. His nails slightly pressed into my back as his lifted my hips to pull the last piece of fabric off of me. This was no dream.  
  
As he began to kiss my waist I became more aroused. Surely Quatre was able to feel this happening against his chest. He slightly giggled as his kissed grew longer and traveled lower. I moaned.  
  
"You like that?" he softly whispered between kisses. I could only moan back. I seemed like I lost all capability to speak.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes." His breath was so warm against my skin. I felt awkward just lying there. But when I began to bring my hands up to run thought his golden hair Quatre stopped all actions. "Ah ah ah..." he said playfully.  
  
With one hand supporting his own weight, his other directed my body, turning it onto its other side. I couldn't see him, but I felt his weight get off the bed. Was he leaving me? Now? Was this just another game of his? I went to turn my head to see him.  
  
"No peaking Trowa."  
  
With I sigh I rested my head on my folded hands, awaiting his return. I heard him move across the room. I heard the sound of a draw opening. The rustling of objects echoed off the whitewashed wall. A soft close of a drawer. Bare feet swiftly moving on a wooden floor. His weight returning to the bed. [3]  
  
"You ready?" he asked.  
  
I only nodded my head. I felt his hands lightly glide across my lower back and travel downward. The mere touch of his fingers sent chills throughout my entire being. Then came of moment where nothing happened. There was nothing I could do or say. Quatre was in complete control and I was only able to go along with him. I began to drift off into the idea that this was only the beginning. That after all was said and down with the war there would only be he and I, forever. I was soon interrupted from this ideal world.  
  
One finger. Two. Three!  
  
"I asked if you were ready." he coyly whispered into my ear.  
  
I tried to relax, as his fingers moved. I bit my lower lip from screaming out. Not from pain but from ecstasy. And just as quickly as they entered, the three fingers left. That couldn't have been it. I knew that wasn't all. I prayed there was more.  
  
Surely enough there was. He was inside me now. It began slowly at first but soon Quatre's thrusting became more intense He was becoming larger; I was becoming larger.  
  
"Quatre..." I whispered out of passions, "Quatre... Quatre... Quatre!"  
  
As I cried his name out in lust, in love, he came. He filled me and collapsed to my side. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. I could feel his quicken heartbeat slow down against my chest. I could feel his rapid breath return to a normal steady pace.  
  
"I've wanted to do that," Quatre sighed, "since the first moment I set eyes on you. I love you Trowa. I always have."  
  
I no longer had to hide my feels from Quatre. My only regret is he and I waited so long to show each other how we felt.  
  
~END~ [1] I believe there is no possible way to say penis without it sounds (a) too technical, (b) too silly or (c) too vulgar. Since A and C didn't fit into the story I stuck with B [2] Alludes to "The Silencer." For some reason I didn't think people would get that [3] It was lube.. I know it's gotta be used and couldn't find another way to get it into the story! 


End file.
